More pieces to the puzzle in Colombia

The plan was to go to Colombia, for a Vision Quest, but I found out that I was unable to attend because I had to work for a year with the group to know everyone and for them to know me, before I could undergo a serious journey. With this sad news I wondered where to go next or what to do. My only reason for going to Colombia was for the vision quest. So I pondered on whether to return to Argentina or Peru. But then I met this lovely couple Juan Carlos and Natalia, whom were from Colombia. They told David and I about some wonderful spiritual places and a retreat center named Oceano in Colombia. Natalia also told us that her mom lives outside of Sopo and we would be welcomed to stay with her for a few days. So David and I looked online and found Oceano, they were having a "Living From the Heart" four day retreat beginning Dec. 26. The website also said that people are allowed to stay in their monastery. They also offered reiki, biodanza, yoga, and meditation to name a few. So, David and I decided to go. This looked like the next step in my journey. We left Ecuador by bus within a few days. Most of the roads were closed due to severe rain. To get to Oceano, which is in Filandia, you have to travel through mountains. Huge rocks tumble down in the rain and the scare of landslides had everything closed. So Pasto was the only place we could go too. So we went to Pasto and hoped the roads would open by Dec 25. As luck would have it, it did. Meanwhile the morning of the 25th (Christmas) David and I went to visit Laguna LaCoche. It was a huge beautiful lake. The day was clear, the sun shined bright and there was a light breeze in the air. We enjoyed a walk, some meditating and just sitting by the lake. We then enjoyed a Christmas dinner and quickly had to head to the bus terminal to catch our overnight bus into Pereira. Once in Pereira we caught a "combi(small van that is a cross of a taxi and bus)" into Filandia. The workshop was perfect in that it was a continuation of the work I was doing in Ecuador. Living from the heart, speaking my truth always, and speaking or acting from love. We danced, did meditations, guided imagery, yoga, tai chi and several other workshops. It re-inspired my love for dance. The difficulty in attending a retreat solely in Spanish is that I could probably understand about 75%. The best part were the people there. They were all so loving. We had three people invite us into their home to stay. We only had time to stay with two. The first was in Pereira. We stayed with our new friend Enrique (Kike) at his beautiful home in Viterbo, just outside of Pereira. For New Year's Eve we spent time at his mother's home in Pereira with the rest of his family. We ate a wonderful meal and danced all night. We were able to have such a relaxing time there. Kike took us to a Temascal in La Florida, and I was able to do reiki on his sister and cousin. After a week and half we left for Rocio's house in Santa Rosa. It was nice and relaxing there as well. Rocio and her friend Natalia did Maya calendar readings for both of us. It was very interesting. The readings were quite accurate. Here David and I realized we were each other's challenge. His destiny symbol was the same as my what to work on symbol and my destiny symbol was his what he needs to work on symbol. We were told I have learn how to be silent and listen from him and he needs to learn how to be inquistive and speak out more like me. On an ego level we clash, but on a higher conscious level we compliment each other. Now we know why we don't see eye to eye at times. It has been a long and difficult journey with the two of us, but David helps me to see when my ego is taking control, he forces me to face my fears, challenges me often, makes me speak my truth, and supports me one hundred percent. I know that I too challenge him, I also help him see when his ego is taking control, I help him to see things from another perspective, help him to grow and support him. The universe knew what it was doing when it brought us togehter. It was really nice to stay at Rocio’s and be around strong women. Her 86 year old mother took us on a walk on their huge farm and even gave me her walking stick when climbing up the mountain. Yes, I felt ashamed. Rocio took us to two thermal baths which were absolutely amazing. San Vicente was more natural and beautiful than Santa Rosa, but both were wonderful. It was a sad day when we had to leave for Bogota. Rocio and Kike took us to the bus terminal and waited for the bus to pull off and as it did we waved goodbye. It was amazing how we connected so quickly. They really felt like family. Bogota was a pit stop for me to get my Brazilian Visa. While waiting for the visa to arrive, we went to Sopo and Villa de Leyva. We stayed at Natalia’s moms house in Sopo. While in Ecuador Natalia said we were welcome to stay at her mom’s home, but we have to bring her chocolate and so we did. Beatriz, Natalia’s mom welcomed us with open arms. She had a beautiful home with a tennis court and son who had drums, guitar, and all the instruments you need for a rock band. It was nice to play a little of tennis and percussion. Beatriz was quite special, she did a numerology reading for us, which was also quite accurate. Colombia was a time for me to find more pieces to the puzzle of who I am and what my purpose is in this life. After the numerology reading, Beatriz decided to balance my chakras, and open my palms to do healing work. She also did an opening so I can see aura’s. All I need to do now is practice seeing aura’s. Once the visa was ready we went to Santa Marta. Stayed in Taganga and Tayrona Park for a few days. Tayrona Park is the most beautiful place that I have been to so far in my year of traveling. This is South America’s best kept secret. It had a beautiful clean beach the color of teal, a forest area to go hiking, and another strenuous trail to hike to the ruins of El Pueblito. Strenuous but a must do! After all of this beauty and learning we flew to Leticia, the Amazon side of Colombia. I remember walking up to the cabin we were to stay for a few days and the man that greeted us was drunk and had green powder flying out of his mouth when speaking . My first thought was “we need to find another place to stay”. He opened the gate, then told us to wait while he get the owner. The owner than came and apologized saying that it was the worker’s birthday, which is why he was drunk. While there we ate at the same restaurant everyday and every time we would ask do you have breakfast or lunch and they would say no. Once we ask do you have eggs and bread, they say yes. Then I would say so you have breakfast, then they would say but we have no meat. Same for lunch or dinner, they would say no, because they did not have meat, but they always had rice, salad, and or eggs. It wasn’t like we had any other choices so we ate the same thing everyday. But it was nice to sit and speak with all the indigenous people who stopped at the restaurant. The owner was very nice and caring, by the third day when we went for breakfast and yet again she said no she didn’t have and again we asked if she had eggs but this time she said aren’t you tired of eating eggs everyday? So thoughtful of her, so she cooked the eggs differently this time. We were able to visit the Maloka, which is the place they have town meetings, or ceremonies. They also have indigenous guards to protect the indigenous. They take turns walking around with the stick. We also met the local shamans, a husband and wife team. The woman definitely seemed to be more intuitive, but both strong in their healing. They gave me avocado leaf tea to drink to clean my urinary tract. I guess it worked. They were my age and really interesting to get to know. The indigenous people in that community refer to the Colombians as Colonials. At least the ones we were around saw the Colombians as foreigners. Very interesting. We then boarded the boat for a three day boat ride into Brazil, in which I slept in a hammock the entire time. Boy was I glad to get off that boat. I am truly thankful for Colombia. It helped me continue the work of being in the heart and acting from love. It helped me to see that I am to be of service in this world and that I am to heal people with truth, love, my smile, and through art. Now I just need to put all of this together.

From Hell to Heaven in Only Eleven

I registered for a 10 day Vipassana Meditation retreat, which was actually 11 days long. You see when traveling on a spiritual pilgrimage in India, you don’t really have to plan anything. The places you need to go show up somehow. Since day one of my arrival to India the people I met told me I had to go to this 10 day Vipassana retreat. I literally heard about this in every city that I visited. So I decided to register. I researched it some and knew it would be strict because just to apply you have to agree to follow the stern rules of the program and their five precepts which are: 1. No sexual misconduct. 2. No killing of any living creature. 3. No lying-complete honesty. 4. No stealing. 5. No taking of intoxicants. Some of the rules where no speaking the entire time, no outside communication, and complete segregation of the sexes. So I leave Puttaparthi, to head to the outskirts of Bangalore now called Bengaluru, by taxi since I met 2 people that I could share the taxi with, then the last leg was by auto rickshaw. I arrive bags in tote and complete the student form. I meet some wonderful ladies and we talk it up before the time for silence arrives. There were more Indians than Westerners so we got to have some great educational conversations. The Indian women wanted to know why the women in the USA are so unstable. They viewed us as unstable and without security because we would have so many non lasting relationships with high divorce rates. In India the couples make the relationship work, they don’t give up on the spouse so easily. Everything that is worth having you must work hard for. We have the grace of God, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have to put effort into what we want. Why leave one set of problems for another set of problems. The grass is always greener on the other side. I got to learn the 5 symbols that married woman have. They have the red mark on the top of their forehead near the scalp, toe rings on both of the second toes, nose ring, a necklace and wearing the hair in one braid. If you were your hair out it means you are loose and 2 braids mean you are young and single. Now the talking ends and the hell begin. I walk into the dormitory and find my cubicle where my bed lies. I smell a bad smell. I think to myself “Damn someone really stinks, that fart is ferocious. As I go from the dormitory to the meditation halls I keep smelling the women and am like damn. On day two I realize I smell too! Now I need to know what smells. Is it my body, my feet, oh my breath. Now I know what smells but why is it smelling and how do I get to the root cause of it. This is what Vipassana does it gets to the root cause of our old patterns. It doesn’t just deal with the surface level. It is not putting in a chewing gum and calling it a day. The whole process was like going to a dentist for a root canal but not being able to have anesthesia to numb your mouth area. Can you imagine the drilling, the poking, the prodding, and then the extraction without anything to relieve the pain? Well, with Vipassana you learn to accept the pain with a calm mind and the understanding that the pain won’t last. Impermanence and awareness of your bodily sensations are the focus of this meditation. Don’t come here thinking it is a vacation and you will get to relax because it is a meditation. I am here to tell you that it’s not, but you get so much more. They work on getting rid of your old habit patterns and old faulty way of thinking. All this is done by the awareness of the breath and any body sensations that you may experience. We wake up at 4 am and begin meditating at 4:30am until 9 pm. We meditate for 2 hours then eat breakfast, after breakfast we meditate for 3 hours with a break then after lunch meditate for 4 hours with 2 breaks. Then we have a discourse and another 1 ½ hour meditation in the evening. The goal is to sit without moving. Even though you begin to have back pain, knee pain, and pain in other parts of the body for sitting for so long, we have to focus on the breath, remain equanimous with the bad and good pain. We can’t seek cravings or aversion. You sit through the pain while screaming inside all kinds of curse words. On day 2, I could remember saying make it stop, and wanting to cry in my head. Day 2 was the most difficult for me. I felt tremendous pain during the meditations. I noticed that on our breaks the physical pain would go away. The pain was only while sitting but would leave almost instantaneously to stretching. In my mind I knew relief would come, but I couldn’t want for the relief either because that is a craving. By day 3, the back pain I experienced was gone. For some reason it was a breeze for me. Day 4 was hell again. Each day we had to do a different meditational exercise while sitting for the extended period. That was helpful because it kept me from getting bored, but the exercises became increasingly difficult. The exercises were aimed at sharpening the mind. There were several things happening at once. At one point I felt a sensory overload because I got bit by a mosquito and it began to sting really bad and it was at the time that my knees were in tremendous pain and my back was hurting so I said F*** it and moved. I was somewhat disappointed but still proud of the fact that I sat for the other periods without moving. I remember thinking on day 6 that I could join the marines now. The mind training that they do on the marines must be similar. This is geared at strengthening you so that you don’t crack under pressure. You are trained to observe yourself, observe your reactions and observe your body under pain, pleasure, whatever and not react. It is like you are watching a movie, just the observer, taking yourself out of the picture and not reacting. I was still feeling the pain by day 10 and I guess that was the point to still experience the pain but to be able to be an observer. I have to say that going to the Mooji Satsangs in Thiruvannamalai truly helped prepare me for this. Mooji would tell us to meditate on “I am” and just observe what we are feeling or experiencing. He really emphasized awareness and observance and would ask “Can the observer be observed?” Day 11 (their day 10 because they start with day 0 which is why they call it a 10 day retreat instead of 11) we were able to break the silence and can you imagine how much chattering was going on? It was such a relief to speak to someone and not have such long meditation periods. Also, on the last day we learned a meditation for sending love, compassion, and our good merit to others. This was beautiful. Thus, going from Hell to Heaven in only 11 days. The true test will be when I go home and someone does something that would normally piss me off. Will I be able to observe myself and not react or will I react? I also experienced that Hell is within and Heaven is within. We create our misery because we don’t except change. When we say we love someone it is not always a pure unconditional love. It is wanting to control the person, to be possessive of them and we have expectations of them. We do or give expecting them to give or do back. If we truly love someone we would do for them without any expectations in return, we would not try to possess them. That is what unconditional love is about. We have to remove our blinders. You see the person you want to see, not the person for who they really are, and then you try to change them to who you want them to be. Can you truly love someone for who they are the good, the bad, and the ugly? To see pics of retreat go to: http://picasaweb.google.com/rmadolphe92/VipassanaRetreat#

The Unknown Zone

Thanks Eunja for the title. I sit here paralyzed, unable to move, frozen. Why? Is it a fear of change? Is it fear of the unknown? As part of getting ready for my journey, I decided to give everything away instead of putting them in storage. I had a moving sale a couple weeks back and was able to sell most things. I have a few things left that I plan on trying to sell through another moving sale. The moving sell was exciting; people were coming through and I got to barter with them. Yes, the New Yorker in me came out and that felt great. Interestingly, I got to meet some fascinating people through this sale. I met two ladies from India. The first gave me some recommendations and tips. We had a great conversation. She ended up buying a candle from me for 20 cents. Woohoo. I think she felt obligated to buy something after our great conversation. The second lady must have preached to me for about an hour. Telling me how she left Hinduism for Christianity and that there is only 1 God. Through her life choice, she had to lose her family. I really felt for her and she warned me that tons of people will try to convince me that their religion is the right one for the path to salvation. I thanked her also for her tips. I can’t remember if she bought anything, she must not have. Well at least I had two great conversations and wonderful tips to remember. So, once the sale was done, I just looked around my home. All alone in a somewhat empty house. Suddenly it felt like this is really going to happen. I am really leaving, but then I got sad. I don’t know why, but the excitement changed into fear and sadness. To know that you are leaving everything and everyone behind even if for a good reason is scary. Change is inevitable, change happens everyday. Without change there would be no life. The alone thing that is certain is change. But why do so many people fear change? In my work, I see people who know what they need to do whether it is leave an abusive spouse, quit alcohol or drugs but yet they are paralyzed and can’t do what they need to do. Why is that? I know deep down in my heart, with every fiber in my being that this is a journey that I need to take. But yet, I have procrastinated and have not done what has needed to be done so I could have left already. I should have been gone in September, but now it is November and I am just finishing up most of the things that needs to be done. I closed down my private practice, so I have so much time on my hands but I haven’t been progressing in my move as I should. Today, I took my car to get an oil change and to see what why it was making this crazy noise. I decided to leave the car and walk home to get some exercise in since it has been some time since I’ve done yoga, belly dance, run, or any form of exercise. On my walk I saw two caterpillars’ at two different points. As I looked at those caterpillars’, I thought about how this insect will go through a metamorphosis and turn into a beautiful butterfly. But before it can be this beautiful gift that is flying free and peacefully it has to first crawl the earth and go through this change. I then thought about my journey and just maybe going through this journey I too will someday soar and feel free. Isn’t that why we are on earth? To be great, to know our infinite wisdom and to be free. Not to be held captive by life, work or poverty.