Facing the Unknown

SRI AUROBINDO'S ASHRAM
I arrived to New Delhi airport at 10 pm on New Year's Eve. The whole way to the airport I felt surreal. The reality of me going to a foreign country on my own was hitting closer to home. I remember walking through the airport in DC saying is this real? Am I really leaving the US for a whole year? People travel alone for months or years all the time, but this is not common in my circle. My family travels often, so traveling is not foreign to me, but traveling alone is. So my first leg was from DC to Orlando, Orlando to Charlotte, Charlotte to Chicago and finally Chicago to Delhi. I was walking to my gate at Chicago airport and saw this beautiful women who shaved her head bald. That was the beauty of it. It was totally bald. Gorgeous! Courageous! Part of me wish I can be so brave, but people tell me I am all the time. It is brave to travel the world alone. I guess it is. I haven't thought much about that, just knew I had to do it. So I stopped to tell her how gorgeous she was. She thanked me and we ended up having a 1/2 hour conversation. She discussed how freeing it was when she cut off her hair and described that release. I started thinking maybe that will be part of my letting go as well, to cut off all of my hair. To make room for the new and improved Renee. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with me. Everyone can always stand to grow and improve. I have never liked stagnation. I guess I felt stuck. I've done the most that I could do as a therapist, but want more. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. I want to make a difference in my life. My relationships are the same after the other. I know if I stayed I will eventually enter a relationship and marry, but I truly wasn't ready for that. I feel I have more growing and more to see before I settle down. So maybe I will cut my hair. I haven't yet, but maybe I will. I've cut my hair short twice and it is currently short but never bald. We will see. They begin to start boarding the plane and I found my seat. The 14 hour flight was nice and smooth. I enter into New Delhi at 10 pm, deplane and begin to try and find my way to the baggage claim. The airport was crowded, people all over the place. I go through customs and claim my bag. I begin to tire quickly because I have a full backpack and the small backpack is heavy. I realized I packed entirely too much. Oh well, nothing I can do now. I make my way through the airport to change a $100 bill, then I headed towards the prepaid taxi booth. Taxi drivers were shouting taxi, taxi. I just headed to the booth because I was told to do that. The other drivers will charge you more or take you someplace else. My driver didn't know where my Ashram was and had to ask someone for directions, so that was scary. On our way there was an outdoor party with fire burning and music playing. I started to hear Sean Paul, Temperature and that put me at ease. I don't know why maybe just hearing something so common to my nature in a foreign place made me feel at home. I could now smile and breathe until we got to the Ashram. The taxi driver let me out and it was dark and I had to walk through this walkway alone, not knowing which direction I was headed and not knowing if I could even get in at 11:30 pm. So I finally find the reception desk, tired after walking with the heavy backpack, but it was closed. It had a sign saying to go to a certain room for after hours admission, so I go to the room but no one was there. I began to walk around then a lady came and helped me(whew). I got a single room, put my stuff down then went to the midnight meditation that they were having for NYE. I then go to my room to sleep and can now notice how cold it was. I am so thankful my cousin T made me bring my sleeping bag. The next day I checked out of my single room to get a dorm room. The dorm here at Sri Aurobindo's Ashram (SAA) was nice. It had room for about 18 women, but there was only one other. So we had plenty of space. Here at SAA I met Tenzin Gache, who is a buddhist monk. He was there with his mother. He was really nice, but was only staying for a day or two. He gave me his contact info as well as some of the buddhist events that were happening in India. Through him I met Uri. Uri is from Israel. I really connected with Uri. He took me around Delhi and gave me a lot of useful info about India. He was on the end of his trip so wanted to go shopping. I decided to go shopping with him and so experienced my first autorickshaw ride with him. It was alot of fun but cold because the rickshaw does not have windows and all the cold air was blowing on us. Uri was really dedicated to his spiritual growth. He would meditate daily for long periods, which made him a good motivator for me. Through Uri, I met Marcin. God really works wonders. I had decided to leave Delhi because it was just too cold and sleeping in a cold room without heat was getting to be a bit much. I decided to head south to Amma's Ashram (AA) which is where I intended to go in the first place. AA and Sai Baba's were the two places I planned on coming to in India. Since my plane went to Delhi, I decided to stay there for a week. So Marcin was on his way to Amma's as well. I say God works wonders because I was able to travel with Marcin to Amma's and boy did I need that. I got sick the day we were leaving and had diarrhea the whole train ride which was 49 hours and bones were aching. Marcin helped me carry my bags since I was sick and took care of me on the train ride. He made sure I had plenty of water and took meds. Marcin and Uri were both genuine and sincere in their care of me. It was really nice to meet people who genuinely care about others. You meet alot of people like this in India. The energy in India is that you feel like you connect with people so much more and so quicker and time stretches. My 5 days in India felt like a month and I felt like I knew Uri and Marcin for years. Other than me sleeping on the top bunk and having to wake up hourly to run to the bathroom, the two day train ride was good. I got to see alot of India. I met four African men on the train. They were sitting in the same section as Marcin and I. We all had great conversations. The other reason, amongst several I say that God works wonders is that I don't think I would have been able to navigate my way around Delhi train station without Marcin. Nothing seemed organized and it was so crowded. Thank God Marcin had been in India for some time and understood the system.